Redneck Brawl 12: All the highlights and wildest moments from Ohio vs Michigan!
· Yahoo Sports
Redneck Brawl delivered once again in its twelfth event, the first ever in Toledo Ohio, with over two dozen fights between a mix of familiar faces and first-time fighters.
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Commentary man Catfish Cooley returned to the microphone for the first time in almost a year, repeat ring girl champion Cardi EBT just missed out on a three-peat in the equivalent of a double-overtime upset loss, and even former lightweight champion and Toledo native Robert Easter Jr did a brief fly-by through the ring.
First time Brawler Big Ruckus claimed victory in the main event, and was quite enthusiastic about his achievement:
It’s dangerous to jump to conclusions when trying to get background information about the amateur fighters that populate every Redneck Brawl. But… A GoFundMe was created in October for someone with Big Ruckus’s name, age, and a strikingly similar appearance, seeking financial help after “a grave heart attack” less than six months ago left the patient “with severe heart failure” and “only 20% heart function” as recently as late October.
If it’s the same guy, Big Ruckus must have connected with Evander Holyfield’s cardiologist and/or pastor, because he looked sharper, stronger, and fresher from beginning to end. He knocked out middle school teacher and coach Junkyard Dog in the 2nd round to earn a champion’s crown and a $500 victor’s purse.
It was a game effort from Junkyard Dog, and we wish him the best of luck trying to convince a school full of cruel, judgmental tweens that they should respect his performance.
Here’s a rundown of the other highlights and lowlights of the evening’s action:
WINNER: Canada
Tonight marked the first ever international skirmishes in Redneck Brawl history, with a pair of Canadian fighters crossing international waters (the Great Lakes count!) to challenge America’s bravest rural and rural-curious gladiators.
In the chief support, Vanilla Gorilla fought through a busted nose (more on that later) to defeat Hook Hogan, while former provincial hockey player Fordy claimed a hotly debated decision victory over Indiana Lumberjack earlier on the card.
In stereotypically polite Canadian fashion, both winners showed exceptional sportsmanship before and after, and both of the vanquished Brawl veterans gave respect and no objection after fights they had arguments to take themselves. A proud triumph for these Canadian cross-border amateur boxing pioneers, and a noble, if unsuccessful, effort from a pair of proven American Brawlers.
WINNER: Kentucky
Canada earns overall bragging rights at the national level, but it was otherwise a good night for Ohio fighters in general, and a great night for Kentucky. Most of that comes down to one family tree, as twin brothers Lil’s Smokey and Fire and their cousin, Big Daddy T, all won their fights on tonight’s show.
Fire’s opponent, Baby Daddy, separated his shoulder very early in the first round and could not continue. No photo included, but it was clearly, grotesquely out of socket. If you believe Baby Daddy’s claims of “four children by six baby mamas,” he can obviously throw hip… His shoulder just couldn’t hold up to throwing punches.
Big Daddy T ran wild on experienced wrestler but first-time Brawler Walking Tank, who hung tough through a lot of punishment to survive to a decision loss that honestly could have been a stoppage at multiple points.
And the last member of the family to step in the ring, Lil Smokey, thought he’d lost the fight to Jesse James, only to be pleasantly surprised to hear himself announced victorious. It’s either the 8th or 9th Redneck Brawl win for Lil’ Smokey, who left his latest crown at ringside with the commentary team because he wasn’t satisfied with his performance.
LOSER: Noses
Tonight’s Brawl was an Otorhinolaryngologist’s wet dream and a hemophobic’s screaming nightmare, as several fighters suffered significant nose injuries, more than one of which required mid-fight attention from ringside doctors. Dak Attack was the first to bust a facial pipe, powering through a significant bloodletting to what would become a decision loss to Psycho Sky.
The worst came in the chief support, where Hook Hogan and Vanilla Gorilla were both checked for vision issues related to bloody and likely broken noses. Gorilla’s evaluating doctor forced him to blow his broken nose at least twice, leading to immediate, significant swelling that he fought through to claim the decision victory. Take a second look at the photo immediately above, and stop to consider that Vanilla Gorilla entered the ring with very light blond hair.
WINNER(s): The Only Two Women on the Card
Redneck Brawl is usually a heavily co-ed affair, but tonight’s only matchup of female fighters saw first ballot nickname hall-of-famer Certified Crack Baby take on Chucky roughly halfway through the lineup.
They put on a banger of a fight, coming out of the gate hot and giving us what would be passionately, emphatically nominated for Round of the Year if I were an awards committee member of the Boxing Writers Association of America. The fight also blessed us with commentary encouraging a fighter by saying: “C’mon Crack Baby! Don’t give up!!” — A sentence I never expected to hear in my lifetime, and one I will never forget.
Certified Crack Baby listened, and did not give up. But, she didn’t take victory, with Chucky earning the decision and a combination kiss and lap dance from one of the ring card girls. Both of these fighters need to return for future Brawls, and the people deserve a Chucky vs Sheen Green or Chucky vs Buckshot matchup next time around.
WINNER: Ohio’s Reputation for Crowd Mayhem
Redneck Brawl’s past trips to Cincinnati have set an expectation for unrestrained crowd violence in Ohio. Things tend to get buck wild in the Buckeye state, where commentator Big Murph once got into it with the audience after someone threw a drink on his wife. Not even an aggressive police presence at the most recent Cincinnati show was enough to keep the crowd from breaking out into multiple borderline riots.
It took most of the night for Toledo to boil over, but we did eventually get two major crowd fights, with perhaps another minor skirmish or two. Not quite the bring-your-own-body-armor insanity of Cincy’s prison riot aesthetic… But, a lively night of bonus brawling all the same. Never change, Ohio.
BIGGEST HEART: Big A
When covering professional boxing shows, our oft-stated position at Bad Left Hook is that anyone who thinks they shouldn’t keep fighting is never wrong. Still, without naming or shaming, it did seem like at least a few Brawlers were surprisingly quick to make that decision for themselves this evening.
Big A was not among them. A last minute lineup change found him facing Chevy Tailgate Terror, who came to the ring with an official 8” height advantage that looked even more significant to my eyes.
The internet commentariat were tough on Big A before he ever got to town, calling him: “Temu Butterbean,” “Curly from the Three Stooges,” “Bobby Hill after huffing too much propane,” and “Hillbilly Patton Oswalt.” Chevy Tailgate Terror wasn’t much kinder once the first bell rang, using his power and reach to batter Big A all over the ring.
But, even on a night where the commentators pointed out that “we’ve all got jobs to go to on Monday” to explain why some fighters were withdrawing early, Big A would not give up. He kept getting up, again and again.
…until he physically could not anymore. Big A didn’t quite make it to the final bell, finally getting laid out for good in the 3rd round. And when he went out, he went out hard, staying on the canvas for several minutes, and needing a lot of help to stand up, exit, and walk back to the dressing room.
Still, salute to Big A, who gave it everything he had, and kept fighting until there was absolutely no more fight left.
WORST UNORTHODOX DEFENSE: Rebel Kenny
I was cautiously optimistic about Rebel Kenny after seeing a promo video where he said: “I might got four brain cells and three teeth, but I got two hands to beat yo’ motherf—in’ ass with!”
Unfortunately, everything after was a series of questionable decisions. At the weigh-in, Rebel Kenny pulled out a Ziploc bag of cornbread and threw some at his opponent, Cornbread (naturally). Bad decision, and one that led an observer on-site to say: “Somebody grab a vacuum. That’s how you get ants.”
Then, Kenny entered the ring in a pair of cutoff jeans that Catherine Bach, Jessica Simpson, and Thomas Lennon would all reject as too revealing. It was a bad decision made worse by his propensity to raise a knee to his chest as part of his defensive strategy.
Kenny kept raising his leg like a Kilgore Rangerette, prompting one of the announcing team to say “I seen his testicles,” which our own live coverage commenters pointed out is not something you’ll ever hear on DAZN.
Rebel Kenny ultimately lost by 2nd round TKO, earning Cornbread one of a limited number of Michigan victories. Which he celebrated by grabbing the interview mic and screaming “F–K YOU OHIO!!! SUCK MY D–K!!!!”
So, one guy showed his balls, and then the other guy showed his ass. Still, a pretty fun fight, despite all the poor choices made.
BEST UNORTHODOX DEFENSE: Trap
Trap didn’t impress the internet wise guys when he tore off his shirt in a promo video, leading people to call him “the black Kool-Aid Man,” “Captain C-cups,” and worse. Others suggested he needs a “Redneck bra,” and said “dude has a body like Grimace.”
But those jokesters didn’t see a different hype video, where Trap did a legit handspring into a backflip. What anyone watching did see on fight night, though, was Trap execute a limbo backbend worthy of Keanu Reeves in The Matrix.
On more than one occasion, Trap evaded punches by bending backwards at angles that made my own spine scream in horror, ultimately winning a champion’s crown by well-earned decision.
Someone get that man a heating pad and an evaluation for Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. And, maybe, a fresh shirt.
BEST COMEBACK: Catfish Cooley
Catfish Cooley sat out the past two Redneck Brawls for unspecified personal reasons. Though the show did go on quite delightfully in the one event we covered live here at Bad Left Hook, some part of the magic was definitely missing.
We’ve called Catfish the beating heart and the unrestrained id of the Brawl on previous occasions, and it was a delight to have him back on the mic for the latest edition of the show. A few offhand remarks throughout the night suggested Catfish has suffered through some unhappiness during his time away, but he certainly seemed to have a ball back in his commentary chair.
Big Murph and Andrew Conn still put on a good show in his absence, but it was clear they were all happy to be reunited. Hopefully, the team sticks together and the show goes on for a long time to come, starting with the next outing on May 9th at the Knoxville Coliseum in Knoxville, Tennessee.
If you missed our live coverage, and the 4,100+ words of fighter capsules, you can catch up with it all here. And be sure to join us in May for live coverage of Redneck Brawl 13!
Until then… Here’s the full rundown of tonight’s results, with winners listed in BOLD, and all victories by decision unless otherwise specified:
- Oven “OB-WAN-KENOBE” Burns vs Justin “STICKS” Jamnick
- Christopher “BIG CHUUP” Chupa vs Jacob “LUMBERJACK” Billings (Big Chuup wins by walkover after Lumberjack misses the fight due to illness)
- Dakota “DAK ATTACK” Demaline vs Skyler “PSYCHO SKY” Short
- Trent “AMISH GUY” Burton vs Michael “DIESEL MECHANIC” Pearce (TKO-1)
- Rojelio “MEXIBILLY” Sanchez vs Jay “419 COWBOY” Smith (TKO-1)
- Jonah “AVERAGE JOE” Meyer vs Adam “BAJA PUNCH” Timpf (TKO-1)
- Austin “BIG A” Runyon vs Nicholas “CHEVY TAILGATE TERROR” Chavarria (KO-3)
- Kevin “REBEL KENNY” Lambright vs Caden “CORNBREAD” Sharpe (TKO-2)
- Michael “SWANTUCKY SILENCER” Damasco vs David “FARMHOUSE” Farmer
- Christian “TRAP” Mitchell vs Austin “BEEFY” Corbett
- Tyler “TIMMY TOUGH KNUCKLES” Cousino vs Zach “CORNSTALK” Williams
- Tyler “BUCKEYE BRAWLER” Long vs Cody “CHUNK” Maddox (TKO-2)
- Emma “CHUCKY” Dye vs Faithlynn “CERTIFIED CRACK BABY” Thoma (TKO-2)
- Christopher “DUCK” Donaldson vs Dekota “RAM-ROD” Borton (TKO-3)
- Roy “ROOSTER BOY ROY” Hunt vs Bryce “DIRTY SOUTH” Mills (Rooster Boy Roy wins by walkover after Dirty South withdraws pre-fight due to an ankle injury)
- Gary “THE SERBIAN” York vs Solomon “BIG SAL” Pecina Jr
- Troy “MR. CLEAN” Cousino vs Vincent “HAYMAKER HANSUM” Ceniceros Jr
- Adam “ATOM SPLITTER” Harris vs Carson “LIL PUNK” Ashby
- Lyle “WALKING TANK” Campbell vs Tyler “BIG DADDY T” Campbell
- Dakota “BEER BUB” Horner vs Joshua “Q-BALL” Jackson” (TKO-2)
- Junior “SLIM JIM” Helton vs Ricky “BIG RICK” Johnson (KO-1)
- Jacob “LIL FIRE” Campbell vs Brent “BABY DADDY” Rokita (TKO-1)
- Devon “D-LO” Luellen vs Julius “MACHO MAN” Perdue
- Jacob “INDIANA LUMBERJACK” Barkley vs Jackson “FORDY” Ford
- Jesse “JESSE JAMES” Critchley vs Jimmy “LIL SMOKEY” Campbell
- Quentin “HOOK HOGAN” Conley vs Jacob “VANILLA GORILLA” Reed
- Joshua “JUNKYARD DOG” Hall vs Brendan “BIG RUCKUS” Rudberg (KO-2)